Pre-Review for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Hello Stream Crossers,

It's Soundwave again, I know it has been many weeks since my last posting, but I'm back with a pre-review of the new Transformers movie, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Between what I have read on Wikipedia, and the two trailers, I am not liking what I am seeing.

My main issue with this whole series is, as I stated before, it is being created by a group of people who have no love of the original series. Considering three short seasons in the 80's created such a bond with these characters that exists strongly to this day, I thought they could have paid a better homage to it.

Case in point. Roberto Orci was against the Dinobots stating "I couldn't see why a Transformer would feel the need to disguise himself in front of a bunch of lizards. Movie-wise, I mean." This is just more of his stupidity from the first movie. As any Transformers Fan knows, the Dinobots weren't designed for disguise. They were designed for battle, and are the strongest mele fighters the Autobots have. They were stupid in the cartoon, but all of the comic incarnations depicted them as an elite special ops team.

Anyhow, back to the movie's "plot". According to various sources, Sam (Spike) is going to college, but his girlfriend is not. Somehow in the last few years, Optimus Prime's shard of the AllSpark has become a few shards, one of which ends up in Sam's laundry. While inspecting it, Sam is blasted with energy that allows him to see Cybertronian symbols. It is not revealed if he can read the symbols, but he does begin obsessively carving them everywhere. It is eventually revealed that these Cybertronian symbols are found in Egyptian ruins. The Decepticons then pursue Sam (again!) to somehow get at the information in his head. Maybe they'll project a light through his head onto a screen, just like in Wild Wild West?

I seem to remember this scenario forming a major part of Smallville (the season with Christopher Reeve) with Kryptonian symbols forming part of Native American mythology, ancient Native ruins covered in these symbols, Clark learning to read the symbols from an energy blast from said symbols, and his heat vision seemingly going berzerk and burning Kryptonian symbols into his barn. Now I'm no English major, but I think this is called "plagerism". Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, I think DC and Warner Brothers want to have with you in the principal's office.

There are a whole wack of new Transformers in this movie, which I guess means that most will be dead before they have a chance to say anything. Although if they are a Decepticon, they may not actually say anything anyways.

Among the new transformers is a being called the Fallen, who was one of the original 13 Transformers. He first appeared in Dreamwave's 'War Within' series. Now Dreamwave didn't last long as a comic publisher, so if you don't remember seeing or hearing of the Fallen, you are not alone. Apparently, he was involved with Megatron becoming evil and the Decepticon insignia is supposedly based on his face.

They have introduced Soundwave and Ravage. I think Soundwave is a satellite, and is once again voiced by Frank Welker (oh hells yeah!) Hopefully they bring back the old monotone voice, but since Michael Bay is a retard who knows nothing of the original series, they probably won't. Ravage does actually look cool with the exception of having one eye.

Another blast from the past is Devastator, who is actually made up of Decepticons who transform into construction equipment. I'm not sure if they are actually called the Costructicons, but I'm sure they are not since Orci and Kurtzman are idiots. It doesn't matter anyway, because he looks UGLY. Kind of like a crippled ape that can't stand up. Nothing like the magnificent killing machine from the 80's.

Maybe I should be thankful the Dinobots are not in the film. That leaves five less beloved characters to be desecrated by Michael Bay.

So I am predicting another conceptual disaster, and am not planning on seeing the movie in the theater. Maybe I'll rent it later. I'm sure it's going to make gobs of money, followed closely by a third movie, so they don't need my money anyway.

So hopefully, I will be posting more frequently from now on. I'll be talking to you all real soon.

"bah weep graaagnah wheep ni ni bong"